The game of Thanksgiving prep

I’m hosting Thanksgiving again this year, which is something I love to do. I’m not the least bit intimidated by roasting a turkey or throwing together the family’s favorite side dishes. I play to my strengths, avoid making pies (I can’t make a decent pie crust to save my soul!) and pull off a pretty nice holiday.

I approach holiday preparation as if I’m playing a football game. First quarter is shopping. I hate crowds, which I consider the opposing team. I want to get to the goal with as few obstacles as possible. Second quarter is cleaning the house, which is definitely the toughest quarter for me. I can become so easily distracted. I could use a good coach to keep my head in the game. Third quarter is pulling together the details such as getting the table ready, bringing out the serving dishes and some last minute decorating. I shine in the third quarter because I love making things look special. Fourth quarter is cooking the meal. It’s focus time! You win or lose a game in the fourth quarter. If you fall apart in the fourth, it doesn’t matter what happened in the previous quarters. This is when I pull the husband off the bench and have him run a few special plays. It makes all the difference!

So, the first quarter is over. Shopping is completed and I’m ahead of the game. But, it’s the beginning of the dreaded second quarter. I’ve been away from home a fair amount (just returned from sunny Arizona!), so the house is, shall we say, a little “untidy.”  Unless I stay on top of things, I fall seriously behind on housework. Dust bunnies multiply like, well bunnies! Counters become a dumping ground for mail, newspapers and other miscellaneous junk. Bathrooms go from sparkling clean to resembling those found at remote gas stations. I’m finding it hard to dig in and motivate myself to dust, mop, vacuum, etc.

I could use a few cheerleaders about now, especially if they don’t mind scrubbing a toilet or two!

The organizing struggle continues

I’ve written three posts detailing my mission to help my mother organize (Helping a collector organize, A collector chooses organization, Organizing payoff). While she’s more willing to let go of things than when we started 16 months ago, she’s still extremely sentimental and somewhat unrealistic about craft projects she plans to start and/or finish. She also continues to shop and add to her collections. (BIG SIGH!)

We continued working in her garage going through boxes. Some of those boxes were packed two moves ago! It’s reasonable to think that if she hasn’t needed anything in those boxes since 2003 she doesn’t need any of it now. I really don’t mind her sifting through the paper to see if there might be a photo or money, but I get a little cranky when she wants to read cards or articles from long ago. However, I’ve learned this is what she needs to do to let go of things, so I summon all the *finesse I can muster and remain silent.

I’ve also learned that she doesn’t keep or buy things because she was raised in the depression-era. She keeps and buys things to give away to others. She’s not content to give these things to a Goodwill or Salvation Army unless it’s really something no one would want. If there’s the slightest possibility she can personally find a new owner for her stuff, she will hold onto it with clenched fist.

Progress is slow, but we did manage to fill three boxes which are sitting in the back of my Acura MDX awaiting drop off at the local thrift store, fill her recycle can half way, and fill her garbage can to the top. We also brought in a shelving unit to get some of the containers off the floor. I have to focus on what we accomplished rather than what is left to do. I’ll go crazy otherwise.

I need to schedule one day a month to help her through this process. She tries to go through things on her own, but is easily distracted by the memories brought to mind. I could just let things be, but mom turns 81 this month and at some point we will have to deal with the clutter. I’d rather spend time doing it with her, than without her.

 

My organizing finesse level:
Novice     Advanced beginner     Competent        Proficient        Expert

What’s your organizing finesse level?

*finesse (skill, flair, grace elegance, poise, assurance)

The long and short of 90 seconds

I often excuse myself for not accomplishing more because I don’t have enough time. Sometimes I decline invitations because I don’t have enough time. Seems like there’s just never enough time; or is there?

In media relations, it isn’t uncommon to think in terms of small increments of time, such as 90 seconds. When facilitating a live shot and the person scheduled to be interviewed is not in sight, they get a “We go live in 90 seconds!” text. Time to hurry up, get going! However, if a pitched story gets 90 seconds of air time, you happily say, “My story ran a minute 30” (one minute and 30 seconds).

timeIt’s the same amount of time whether you say one minute and 30 seconds or 90 seconds, so the difference is just perspective. If I’m waiting on hold for 90 seconds, it seems like forever, but if one of my granddaughters’ visits is ending in 90 seconds, time flies!

I began mulling over the long and short of 90 seconds while waiting for something to heat in the microwave (another thing that seems to take forever). Rather than just listening to the hum of the microwave for 90 seconds, I could possibly do something productive. There’s always something that needs a little attention in the kitchen. In 90 seconds you can empty a few items from the dishwasher, wipe a counter or sort through some mail.

I have the same 24 hours a day that everyone else does, so it’s not about whether I have enough time, but how I use my time. My time management skills need a little *finesse, but I’m getting there, 90 seconds at a time.

 

My time management *finesse level:  Novice     Advanced beginner     Competent        Proficient        Expert

What’s your time management finesse level?

*finesse (skill, flair, grace elegance, poise, assurance)

2013 goals

I learned quite a bit reviewing 2012, and used that information to make a plan for 2013. However, it’s time to stop looking back and start moving forward!

Writing Goals
Post blogs three days a week:  I realize that blogging five days a week is not realistic for me, and trying to do so was causing more stress than pleasure.
Write 1000 words per week: I want to finish a writing project this year, but it’s a little overwhelming. I’ve decided to tackle it chunk by chunk.

Health Goals
Research and try migraine treatments: I saw my neurologist in November and there is nothing new on the horizon for the treatment of migraines. However, I am always receiving kind messages from caring friends who have heard that this or that worked for someone. I’m open to trying anything with the approval of my doctor.
pilatesConsistent exercise: I enjoy my treadmill and Zumba, but both tend to bother my tennis elbow. Yoga is challenging and I usually feel like a complete klutz, so I stopped exercising for a few months. An acquaintance mentioned her love of Pilates and gave me a couple of DVDs to try. So far I’m liking it!
PT for tennis elbow: Speaking of tennis elbow, I need to get back to doing the physical therapy. No excuses!

Household Goals
Organize every room and closet in the house: This shouldn’t be too difficult since there are just two of us living in our home. It’s really not too bad, but there are a few things in every area that are driving me a little nuts. There are 12 rooms and closets, so organizing one per month seems very doable!

Personal Goals
Read two books: For those who are voracious readers, this may seem like a very small and silly goal. I love to read, but it’s always something that gets shoved to the end of my priority list. I love history and set out to read a biography of every president before I leave this world. I’ve only read two so far, so I need to pick up the pace. The husband and I have chosen to eliminate some television so we can both spend more time reading.
Document family history: Again, I love history and what better way to explore it than by discovering the roles my ancestors played. I hope to keep scanning photos and documents my mom and I uncover while organizing her house (that’s another goal!) I’m limiting this to one day per week as it can burn a LOT of time.
Plan 34th anniversary trip: The husband and I take turns planning long weekends to celebrate our anniversary. It’s my year and I have some great ideas for a memorable getaway!

devotions

Spiritual growth: This is an ongoing goal. Truthfully, nothing else is very successful and I’m out of balance if I neglect to nurture spiritual growth.

I have a few other goals I’m considering, but for now, these seem realistic. And as always, I plan to accomplish them with *finesse!

What are your goals?

*finesse (skill, flair, grace elegance, poise, assurance)

Sharing memories

A rare photo of my dad with his dad

The last of my dad’s siblings passed away recently. Aunt Bunny and I weren’t particularly close, so I had no idea how many family photos and memorabilia she possessed. Possibly because she outlived her siblings, many cousins and two of her three children, she became the logical repository for such family treasures.

Her son Mark and his wife Alice encouraged family to make copies before they took the photos back to their home in another state. My cousin and I scanned photos and genealogy information for several hours, but didn’t quite finish before Mark and Alice were scheduled to hit the road. I’ve continued scanning off and on for several weeks and have just a few more photos left to scan. Whew!

My dad’s mother with some of his older siblings (abt. 1924)

I’m grateful that my aunt kept the photos and documents in good shape, but there are two things she could have done to make these treasures more valuable for the next generation.

Labeling: Most of the photos have some sort of writing on the back, however, some of the writing was faded or illegible. Most of the information was first names only, which isn’t very helpful if you’re trying to connect them with a certain family. Dates and locations would also have been great information.

Share: As the oldest member of the family, it would have been very helpful if Aunt Bunny had shared the photos and documents before dementia faded her memory. It would have been so interesting to hear the stories that accompanied the photos. We also could have been enjoying family history and posting information to ancestry.com instead of it being stored away in boxes.

My dad’s sister Goldie with his soldier brothers Russell and Orville. (abt. 1943)

I plan to work with my mother (who is the oldest of her siblings and the oldest of the remaining cousins on both her mother and father’s side of the family) to not only label photos with names, dates and locations, but include relationships. We need to scan photos and documents for other family members to enjoy now.

What history and memories do you have stored in boxes? Sharing them would make an excellent Christmas present!

Mom’s 80th

I’m not a professional event planner, but I know some very talented event planners and have worked on some pretty large scale events. So it’s not surprising that when it came time to plan my mom’s 80th birthday party, I was thinking large scale. Nothing elaborate, but something more than our usual family barbeque.

My sister was perfectly happy to stick with the usual and add in a few of mom’s closest friends, but our mother isn’t the type of person to only have a few close friends. Logically, she’s going to have a lot of friends just because she’s been accumulating them for 80 years, but her ability to make and keep friends goes well beyond the logical. She has friends from childhood, high school, work and church. She has family – LOTS of family! She genuinely loves all her friends and family, and does her best to stay in contact with them all.

It became apparent in the early planning process that the guest list could get out of control, and quickly.

“Mom, only invite those who legitimately call you Grandma Dee, not those who only do so out of respect.”

“Really, Mom? When was the last time you spoke to that person?”

Several invitees had to decline due to weddings, family reunions, etc., but we still had close to 100 people present to celebrate mom’s milestone birthday. All three of us kids were there with our spouses, five of her six grandchildren, nine of her 13 great-grandchildren, her two siblings and many of their children and grandchildren.

Her relationship with God is the most important thing in her life, but following a close second is family and coming in third is music. She was thrilled to have all three rolled into one, as my siblings and I sang “Until Then.” We also got her on video playing her signature songs, “Meeting in the Air” and “Goodbye, World, Goodbye.” Boy, those 80-year-old fingers can still run up and down the ivories fast and flawlessly! We also got an impromptu group of family to sing a somewhat less than perfect rendition of “I wouldn’t take nothing for my journey now.”

Her party is not what I want for my 80th birthday, however, it’s exactly what she wanted (okay, she would have liked every single family member present, but that just wasn’t possible). She’s still overwhelmed with the notes and cards, and just that people took time out of their busy lives to be part of her special celebration.

To still hear her talk warmly about the day nearly three weeks later makes us happy. She’s done so much for all of us through the years, it’s the least we could do for her.

 

Writing research

I wrote about doing some research on the history of our property back in April (Playing detective).  I mentioned that it was requiring a “HUGE amount of *finesse,” but that finesse has paid off!

I was researching the family that had lived here in 1930 on Ancestry.com, and was having difficulty following the information due to the number marriages between the two prominent family lines and similar names. I’d contacted two family members that had posted trees, but they did not have any helpful information.

However, I did receive an email from a family member I had not contacted. He turned out to be the great-grandson of the previous owner. He said his mother was anxious to speak with me regarding the horrific events that took place on the property that involved her mother’s family. Since that time I have exchanged many emails with various family members who all live in the Mid-west. I even received a packet of family photos, some taken on the property!

This afternoon I’m sitting down with two elderly ladies who lived in the area during the period of time that the previous family lived here. Funny, but I would have never known to speak with these two ladies (one still lives in the area, the other is here visiting relatives) without receiving that contact through Ancestry.com.

My research finesse level:  Novice     Advanced beginner     Competent        Proficient        Expert

What’s your research finesse level?

*finesse (skill, flair, grace elegance, poise, assurance)

Creative meals

How do you plan meals for the last few days before you move a great distance? The last thing you want to do is grocery shop and add more to move, but is there really anything in your pantry, fridge or freezer to make balanced meals for several days? The answer may be a surprising YES!

I recently went to Arizona to help my son and his family move. His wife and baby daughter flew out a few days ahead of us, while we packed the last minute items (beds, bedding, toiletries – stuff you need until you hit the road). I looked at what food remained and tried to plan meals around the perishable items and supplement, if necessary with the non-perishable items.

We had great meals of grilled ahi and salad, pot stickers and stir-fry, barbecued hamburgers and fries, and Eggs Benedict, as well as other assorted items. We ate very well while using as much of the food as we could reasonably consume.

Even though I’m not moving, I’ve decided I need to do this at home. What great meals are lurking in my freezer and pantry? I organized them both about 10 months ago, so I’m thinking it’s about time to do it again. Besides, organizing the freezer sound pretty good on a day that the temperature is predicted to reach 102 degrees!

Organizing payoff

My dad at 10 years old. Probably a class photo from Binnsmead Elementary, Portland, OR.

Several months ago I wrote about the effort to help my mother organize her nearly 80 years of collecting (http://www.femme-de-finesse.com/a-collector-chooses-organization/). We had made some progress in her kitchen, living room and family room before taking a much needed break from the enormous task.

Last week she had a leak around her water heater, so the husband stopped by to take a look. The sight of her garage filled with boxes made my heart sink. Now I fully understood why she was under the impression her garage was not really a two car garage. It was clearly time to take a stab at organizing again.

It was a little difficult to decide how to tackle the gargantuan amount of stuff. Because she had help when she moved from her late husband’s home, I don’t think she really knew what was in each box. We decided to start in one corner and work our way around. My sister joined us for a few hours and we worked together with great *finesse, keeping each other on task, which can be difficult when you come across “treasures.” My goal was to get a space cleared in front of the electrical panel so mom could check a breaker without breaking her neck and hopefully get as far as the cabinets, which I’m guessing is about 8 feet from the corner.

My dad, Richard and his older brothers, Russell and Del

We didn’t quite meet that goal, but we did get an unexpected payoff. Mom found some old photos of my dad from his childhood. There was a great photo of him at maybe six to nine months old with his two older brothers. What a treasure! We also came across letters from his sisters and other documents that will be a great addition to my genealogy research on ancestry.com.We still have a LOT to do, but with every load we haul to recycling and thrift shops, we are making progress!

*finesse (skill, flair, grace elegance, poise, assurance)

Yard sale recap

The topic of my post last week was our upcoming yard sale, the husband’s reluctant cooperation and the fact that “I seriously lack *finesse in the yard/garage sale business.” Now that it’s over I know I still have a lot to learn, but the experience was fun, tiring, educational and surprising.

It was fun meeting and talking with neighbors, friends and strangers. Many people mentioned that they drive past our house often and complimented our home and landscape. It’s always nice to hear that people appreciate the effort you make to keep your property looking nice.

It was tiring gathering, cleaning, pricing and moving all the sale items, then putting up tables to display it all. It was tiring moving it all at the end of day one, moving it out again for day two, and then boxing the leftover items for donation when it was finished.

It was very educational, and I learned the following:

  • If all you have to offer is knick-knacks, you’re better off donating than having a yard sale.
  • Tupperware sells!
  • Price like items separately, but offer them as a set for a discount.
  • Set prices low enough to interest buyers, but high enough to allow them to negotiate.

It’s surprising what people will buy and what they will ignore. A newer desk and file cabinet were of no interest to anyone regardless of price, while a loveseat and chair we purchased in 1980 received a lot of attention before selling for the full price. It’s surprising and somewhat strange how customers come in groups. I’d be sitting there with no one stopping by for 15 to 20 minutes, then all of the sudden three cars would pull in one after another. The biggest surprise was the amount of cooperation I received from the husband. This was going to be a one day sale, but he suggested we extend it through Saturday. He gave me breaks when I needed them and was very helpful moving things. He was quite enthusiastic as we packed up his truck and my MDX with the leftovers and dropped them at Goodwill!

I slightly exceeded my goal in terms of money earned, which made the sale worth the time and effort required. Would I do it again? Yes, but only if we have enough large items to sell, otherwise it makes more sense to just donate the small stuff and get a tax write-off. Goodwill and Salvation Army will still see plenty of me as I continue the seemingly never-ending task of clearing out clutter and organizing.

My yard/garage sale *finesse level: 
Novice     Advanced beginner     Competent        Proficient        Expert             

What’s your yard/garage sale finesse level?

*finesse (skill, flair, grace elegance, poise, assurance)